Exhaustion

Everything is a daze,

Missing basic steps in work

As I shuffle through mixed up thoughts

Fragments

Nothing matches, nothing stays

Together

Some thoughts run on long and refuse to stop taking me away from the world until I no longer know where they started…

Or when.

And the bits and pieces

The fragments of ideas

Onslaught

Never seems to want to end, winding and changing

It is like a river but more wild, like the stars but more disjointed, like a tree with no roots

And I am toppling

Down

Into the vortex of my own mixed up mind reaching for the surface,

Desperate I grasp for focus with hands that reach but cannot hold

The distraction like water crashing over me I am sinking

How can this be? These are my thoughts to control…

But I am too weak, too tired, pulled under by each fragment that grasps at my leg like seaweed,

Pushed down by the emptiness above, the boredom, the tiredness…

The world that does not move as I want it to,

The world from which my too-tired mind seeks refuge in dreams and ideas and memories against my will

But still…

Somehow it almost feels protective, keeping me from what I cannot bear,

From the grief, pain, anger of the world,

So maybe here I am safe.

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