Choices

Not all choices in life are easy, not all choices have a right option. When you’re lucky, they don’t have a wrong option either – just ones with different pros and cons. But some choices are life-altering. Some really hurt.

When my grandmother was dying, I chose to go home to make sure I was there to say goodbye, rather than go home a few days later as I’d originally planned. But it hurt, not because I had to cancel a weekend of socialising, but because it felt like a kind of acceptance of how bad the situation really was. But it was the right choice.

The choice to see my aunt’s body after losing her, through, that was the wrong choice. People after they die do not look like them any more. It has haunted me for five years, and whilst it has lessened, I don’t think it will ever stop. But I didn’t know. How could I? I’d never lost anyone close before and needed to make it feel real to stop myself from going crazy. When I lost my grandmother, I had learned my lesson. Never again. It doesn’t feel real, but at least it’s not another five years of flashbacks plaguing me every time they get a chance.

Not all choices are easy, not all choices have a right option. The important thing to remember, is the wrong choice is not always your fault and is not always predictable. We are only human, sometimes get things wrong. And that’s ok. That’s life.

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